You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
