you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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