how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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