your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
