Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I got inside last night via doggy door
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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