You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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