i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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