She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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