We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
