I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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