if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
