one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
