There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
