I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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