so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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