the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
