I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
