If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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