Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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