Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Randomize