He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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