I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize