Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
