First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
