It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
