How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
