Sry I called you an 8
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
