Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
