I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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