But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
