Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize