Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
