I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
two words...techno handjob
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
