your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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