i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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