I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
She swung at the pinata with crutches
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
