now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
