I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
