god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
