Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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