haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
