I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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