Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
