Already got asked if we're dating
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
