i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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