Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
