i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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