I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
