New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
