I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
