Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
My vagina just clenched in fear
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
