Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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