i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
