i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
