the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
