These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Drunk is not a location!
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
