Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
