I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
