Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
i think my cat just said my name.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
is it fun? or sober?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
