EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
