She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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