Joe is yelling at the trees again.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
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