I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
