If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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