no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
it's like iHOP with fire
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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