when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
