if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Randomize
