she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
