i wish peter jackson would direct porn
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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