GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
