My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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