I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
